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Quotes from my Irish grammar teacher

"Which of these sentences have left you severely traumatized?"

"I’m gonna break my neck due to the excitement."

"So the difference between a lounge and a bar is that… you can sit in a lounge? So in a bar you lie on the floor, yea? Well eventually, maybe."

"Many people have many opinions about summaries. You may as well have them yourselves but unfortunately for you, only my opinion matters."

"Abbreviate mister. Is Mr with or without a dot? We’ve talked about it 274 times now. Surprise me."

"Go forth and multiply."

"We’re not gonna stop until you’re all mentally exhausted."

"What does the House of Lords do anyway? Except for being the best drinking club in Britain?"

"Education cannot be saved."

"Ah well just smack a stick up their necks and they’ll learn their arithmetics. You watch."

"We’re going through this book at a phenomenal rate. I’m a bit worried."

"Oh don’t worry, we’re not gonna write summaries at 9 in the morning. Not gonna do that shit now."

"I don’t care if the articles you read were boring. To me they’re ALL boring but we’re here to speak English and speaking English is fun so tell us all about your article, man."

"You should ask yourself this: would the book be right or would my teacher be right? I’ll leave the choice with you."

"You remind me of my wife; she doesn’t believe a thing I say either."

"Don’t tell anyone, they’ll send me on a course to learn how to use the smartboard."

"So, I can now safely assume that all of you know your grammar. That when you go out there and teach, you can answer any and all questions. Marvellous. You’d be the first generation. Maybe I should go inform the director."

"Do you engage in binge drinking? No? Well you should. Great fun."

"He what? He helped populate the country? So he went on a mad sex spree?"

"There are some English accents you should avoid and some you should strive for… I won’t name any of them but I think you know what I mean."

"Know your stuff, know who you’re stuffing and stuff them well."

"This is a beautifully written piece about internationalisation, it’s incredibly good, and that’s because I wrote it."

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Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
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I made dinner and then packed extra for tomorrow’s lunch because I’M AN ADULT.

And then I unpacked and ate tomorrow’s lunch too because I’M NOT A GREAT ONE.

(via m-m-mad-madness)

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It amazes me that I can accurately type at top speed without looking at my keyboard but still pour water down my shirt ‘cause I missed my mouth in general.

(via jennamcd0ugall)

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my favorite thing about school was sitting with your friend and flipping through a random textbook pointing at ugly pictures and saying “that’s you.”

(via i-see-unicorns)

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When all your friends are online.


(via maycontainporn)

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I used to ask my mum if i could go to gigs but now i just buy tickets and then tell her a week before the show that i’ll be in london or st for the weekend

(via maycontainporn)

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that one celebrity crush that is both the cutest person you have ever seen but also the sexiest motherfucker on the planet


every single time I see this post it’s a different picture of darren criss

(via maycontainporn)

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when u use ur boobs to get someone to notice u


(via selfparody)

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which text do you mean? I don’t understand whats funny =/

i hate doing this, because it’s gonna ruin the fun, but the “make a wish” bit at the end of that post…. because it’s the original post… because there have been SO MANY posts that are an edited version of that post.

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Anonymous asked: I was going to unfollow you for posting that do you love the colours of the sky thing but i realized i would have to scroll all the way back up that FUCKING POST to do so, (also i quite like ur blog) (lol, have a good day)

i hate the post too BUT THE TEXT UNDER IT MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD do you know how many times something i see on the internet makes me audibly laugh? almost zero. So it had earned a reblog. Also, I apologise.